Saturday

*RECOMMENDED* Start with "Off to Iowa.." and work backwards to read in order. I tried to post them that way, and it wouldn't let me. (or I am not smarter than the Blog system :)

Part of Saturday was relaxing, Papa and Uncle Jeff came over, & we went to the movies and saw "Bolt" which by the way, was a super cute movie! I might have liked it even more then the boys! :) And then ofcourse, we had to stop at our favorite home interior store, and we found out that the same lady opened 2 more stores right next door-Yay for me!

We then went home to pick up G-ma and headed right back down-town to see the lighting of Main Street and have dinner at the Fire Station. With a little visit from Santa- I have been talking up Santa for 2 weeks now to little "C" who is scared of anything in a costume. Just ask Reed Heady! LOL Well, it must have worked, because before Santa came to our table, I asked him if he was going to give Santa a big hug...and he gave the cutest smile and said "Uh-Huh!"

So here comes Santa, and before we know it, all 30 lbs of my little one almost knocked Santa over! (my little line backer!) He truly hugs with his whole soul right now, and I absolutely love that!

After dinner, we did a little more shopping on the square, and then home to hang out with family while watching the OU game (no, I am not sure why). While the boys watched football, I started cramming all our stuff into our suitcases, and packing up the car. No offense to our family, but I was definitely ready to be home!

PS-The Home Alone pics are my favorite!

Black Friday

Thursday night, I spent about an hour circling things in the Wal-Mart ad, and making a list of exactly what I needed. Woo-Hoo! I love Black Friday deals!

So, Fri 4 am I get up, make coffee, started the car, got ready and headed to the local Wal-Mart at 4:40am. (The doors open at 5) I am standing outside in 25 degree weather (Brrrrrr!) Oh well, it is totally worth it to save a few bucks right?

By 6:15 I had everything I needed, and was back home in bed! Now that's what I call awesome! Gotta love a small town!

Oh, and did I mention that I now have almost all Christmas presents purchased? And I only spent $150 at Wal-Mart! Talk about savings! (I am pretty sure that is definitely being a good steward of money)

So next on our Black Friday to do list, was to head to Red Oak to Papa's house and on to Omaha, Nebraska for a little shopping at Scheel's (a really cool store with an indoor ferris wheel!) And a few doors down from Scheel's, is in my opinion-one of the best stores in the entire world...Archiver's! This is a super-duper-awesomely-cool scrapbook store! (Think Recollections on steroids girls!)

So this year, I got smart and had the guys drop me off there first, so I could go in all by myself! When I had been fully idea refreshed, I walked over to Scheels to meet up with my guys! They had already rode the ferris wheel, and I found them in the guns section (ofcourse!) There are several video simulated shooting games, along with a virtual sports game system (which Jason seems to think would be great in our front room) (It would take up the entire front room-by the way!)

They also have some really cool home furnishings there-so I shopped a little too! And then, over to The Denver Broncos section, and this is where we left our money! But, I finally got me a women's Denver shirt to support my hubby's team!

And on to The Amazing Pizza Machine! Not to be confused with Incredible Pizza, but is almost exactly the same! Well, 3.5 hours there-what a blast! Go-Karts, Bumper Cars, (my personal fave), ski-ball, helicopter rides, roller coasters! Man it was super! And, then home to Grandma's house!






I may look cute, but what I am really doing is hiding candy that I am eating behind my back while smiling for the camera!

Family

So, we swap Thanksgiving and Christmas every other year between Jason's family in Iowa, and mine here in the Ft Worth area. This year, if you haven't noticed, Turkey Day is in Iowa!

After a crazy long day of traveling, and the obscene hour that we arrived, we tried to sleep a little late on Wednesday.

The boys had a blast playing in Grandma's basement for hours and hours. Which by the way, I have decided that is soooooo what we need! Do you think I can dig my own? Hmmmmmmm...

Papa Wilbur came over for a while and visited-All the boys played football out front (the weather was beautiful that day! It was 40 something degrees-but it didn't feel cold at all!

We made the first of many trips to the Shenandoah Wal-Mart for a few things, by the way, small town Wal-Marts are a lot nicer about returning things!

Thurs was a great Thanksgiving-kids played, we relaxed since lunch wasn't until 2 pm. It was a very non-stressful day. Papa, Uncle Jeff, Grandma Regina, Aunt Ronda, Uncle Curtis and their children-Colby, Heath, Hunter, and Haley-all came over. The boys love their cousins so much! Dinner was fantastic!

A couple hours after dinner, more family came over-Carla and Les, Holly and Troy (and their 2 boys), Laura and Brian with their sweet little new baby girl Mariska! (AKA Carson's new girlfriend) We all had dessert and all in all a great family day! When you only see these people once a year, you really cherish the time you do get with them!

We are so thankful to have such wonderful family on both mine and Jason's side!

Sorry for so many pics, this was the minimum I could choose!

Off To Iowa We Go...

So Tue we were leaving for Iowa and our plan was to leave at 11:30am. Here is how the day played out:

8am Dalton went to school

8:30 I went to work for one client/friend
*Apparently, during this time Jason not only packed everything and the car, but he also cleaned the entire house! Spotless! (I have been slacking a little lately)

11am Dalton out of school

11:30 I came home from work and last minute Wal-Mart trip.
*Finish packing car and last minute things.
*Stop at McDonald's and Radio Shack

1:30 Finally on Highway headed out of town for a 10 hour trip!

4pm While driving down the road Jason and I realize that my fully packed roll-up bag has been left at home. (Due to a little miscommunication) This bag contained all children's meds, my meds, band-aids, toothbrushes, shampoos, skincare, make-up, deodorant, etc. AAAAGGGGHHHH!

6:45 Arrive in Wichita, KS, eat at Cracker Barrel

8pm Stop at Wal-Mart and buy meds, band-aids, deodorant, toothbrushes, a little make-up to get me by for 5 days. (Which by the way, they do not carry Bare Minerals) And I was trying to be cost conscious.

9:30 Finally back on road-Wooo-Hooo!

Driving......

Driving......

At some point, Jason and I switched so he could rest a little...

More Driving...

1:45am about 10 minutes from Grandma's house, we pull up on a road crew-guess what? Road closed! They are moving farm equipment (or something like that) So we have to go about 15 minutes out of our way- up and around)

2:12am Arrive at Grandma Mildred's house in Iowa! Only 13 hours!


Did I also mention that I spent most of the trip crawling back and forth over the back seats to help the boys with their video games and movies-all the while trying not to squish the dog. Yes, you read right-Levi was with us! While he is a pretty decent dog, he remains a thorn in my side!

Needless to say, we decided to re-evaluate the seating situation on the way home.

WOW! The Blood

So, if you remember from Saturday's post, I was in need of a good cry, which I had not been able to allow myself to take. Well, I got my good cry yesterday! In the middle of church! Yesterday was very moving at The Exchange, as Joel taught on Mark 4: 1-20. This was on the first time Jesus spoke in parables. This particular parable was on the sower and the seeds. Well, Jesus was relating the seeds to The Word and how they work on different types of hearts.

I am paraphrasing here, so bear with me:

*the seeds that were scattered on the wayside, represents The Word used on people with hard/calloused hearts. The birds that come and swoop up the seeds, represents Satan who comes and steals away The Word immediately after they have heard it.

*the seeds that were scattered on stony ground represents The Word used on those with superficial hearts. It shows where they have heard The Word, and received it with gladness, but because they have no root (Jesus)whenever trials and persecution occur, they soon back away from The Truth.

*the seeds that were scattered among the thorns, represent The Word used on those with faithless hearts. It shows that these type of people allow the cares of the world, and the false promises of money, and other lusts to choke out The Word in their lives and therefore have no fruits.

*the seeds that were scattered on good ground, represents people with a soft heart. People that have heard The Word, and were ready to accept and receive it. They then are able to show producing fruits in their life. This shows a "life change", which is what happens when you know and accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior.

Why did I just type all of that you ask? Honestly, I don't know-it came from God. I sat down with full intention to write only this next part, and I felt God leading me to write about the actual teaching on Sunday. So, there you go.

Now, after this wonderful teaching was The Lord's Supper. Now for me, this is a huge deal. This is something that the symbolism really puts things into perspective for me. The actual drinking of the "blood", and the breaking of the bread "body" brings me full circle to where I can not turn away from visually seeing what Jesus went through for me. And if you can't get this visual, I recommend renting the movie The Passion of The Christ. No matter what you have heard about this movie, or other reasons as to not see it, I highly recommend it to put life as a Christ follower into perspective.

Something that I have missed for several years now is going to the front of the church and actually kneeling down to take communion. This was an option this weekend, for those that wanted to. So, Jason and I follow our line and get our juice and cracker/bread, and then we kneel and he prays over it and us, and then we partake.

And what happened next, was beyond my control. After I took of His body, and of His blood in remembrance of Him and what He did for me, I gave thanks to Him. As I was thanking Him, the tears just came, and I do not mean a few rolling drops down my cheeks, I mean a flood of tears. A flood so uncontrollable that I am sure the people behind us thought I was seizing or something. (And no I am not kidding!) Yesterday's tears and uncontrollable sobbing and deep breathing, probably goes beyond any "ugly cry" I have ever had.

And as I was having this "moment", my husband continued to pray over me, over us, and also thanks for all we have in our reach. Specifically my thanks of what is in my reach is everlasting life through Jesus. Now I know that I have incredibly long arms, but everyone has Jesus within their reach. Even those of you lucky people that do not look like something out of the amazon or maybe "Olive Oil" (Popeye reference)

I was asking myself, when am I going to stop being so emotional when I visualize all that Jesus has done for me. And then, I told myself "Never Amber, Never!" And that is so true, I never want to partake in the Lord's Supper, or sing a worship song that reminds me of Jesus' cleansing blood, and his enduring pain-and just sit there like a bump on a log! I want to openly worship my king and his son with my arms wide open, with tears streaming down my face, showing God's glory and my gratefulness for all that He has given me.

In closing, I just openly want to thank Jesus, for enduring beatings, torture, ridicule, for dying on the cross, for shedding his blood for my sins. I openly want to thank God The Father, for giving His only son so that we may be with Him in Heaven instead of burning for eternity in Hell. Oh, and by the way I have pretty much not stopped crying since yesterday!

Wow! There is so much power in the blood!

Warning Label

*UPDATE* Check out Super Stephanie's blog, cause she is amazing and posted pictures of Friday's Open House already! Yay!

P.S. Isn't little "P" super cute? Thanks Kristin!



So I haven't blogged in a while because I have been crazazy busy! (Tab's word) My friend Stephanie and I started a mini business venture (name to be determined, and more info on this to come). But, we have been crafting like crazy for a holiday open house at my salon, and I haven't slept much this week because of that. Hence the blogging spell! Also I have stopped taking my medicine. See Hallelujah!

This all began by accident, first I kept forgetting to call in my refill, then after I called it in-I kept forgetting to pick it up! So once it had been 7 days of no medication, I decided through prayer to try and stop all together. Please let me state, that this is highly NOT recommended! You should normally be weined off of anxiety medication! But, since it had been one week already, I decided- Why not?

Ok, so this week being that I have had way too much on my plate, was probably not the best week to try this, but-that's just the way it happened!

I am extremely exhausted from the late nights of crafting, and my normal long Thursday and Saturday work hours. My emotions are definitely getting the best of me. Have you ever felt like you knew that you needed to cry and let it all out? Well, I have felt that way for 3 days now. The only reason I haven't cried, is that I haven't had the time. I know that sounds silly, but I have had 5 minutes here, or 5 minutes there, but I know that when these tears come they are not going to stop on a 5 minutes timer!

So I am writing this post mainly to my friends, here is my Warning Label: If I seem to be extremely emotional, extremely sensitive, rash, maybe a little rude or argumentative, etc...I am chalking it up to the medication leaving my body. Please if you are my friend, and you are wondering your friend Amber is, I am hoping and praying that she comes back within the next 2 weeks.

That said, we are traveling to Iowa next week for Thanksgiving, which is a 10-12 hour drive both ways. Aaaaggghhhh! We have movies loaded up for the boys, along with a few travel games, but I am wondering about a non-medicated mommy in a tin can with 2 young boys is a very good idea?? Also pray for us while there, I always seem to get sick with severe sinus (and I do mean severe!) every time we go there.

Happy Turkey Day to you all! Oh, and check out my friend Suzie's blog post on Thankful Thursdays! She could not have written a better post for a better time!

Fan or Disciple?

Ok, so the last post was about modeling, and as I said...apparently God is trying to teach me something. It has really been on my heart a lot lately that I need to be living my life as an example of following God every minute of every day. Now, while this may sound simple...WOW it is not! Now while I write this, I feel prompted to state that it is not simple being a Christian. It is a daily struggle and commitment to choose God's way not the easy way. But, in the end it is sooooo going to be worth it when I am dancing in the streets of gold singing with my beautiful voice right next to Jesus himself! :)

Well, this morning was a test in itself to say the least. We are all just hanging out being silly on Sunday morning before getting ready for church. Jason was just beginning to make pancakes, I was making fresh fruit into a syrup topping for the pancakes, when all of a sudden, our electricity went out! And then it came back on! And then it went off again! For like an hour! UUUGGGHHH! Now let me just state that if you were looking through my kitchen window, or listening outside my house for the next 10 minutes, it was not pretty! The kids were running crazy, apparently Carson had gotten ahold of a blue permanent marker, and wrote on the floor, the wall, his brother (which of course Dalton had no control over-hmmmmm?). And, they were completely flipping out about not being able to turn on the bathroom lights to clean the lovely blue ink off of their faces and hands!

In addition, electric skillets with partially cooked pancakes, do not work. Gas stoves apparently light with an electric lighter...good thing Jason is smarter than the stove and used a lighter! So as he is cooking pancakes, the kids are running crazy, I am trying to make the fruit stuff, and stressing about how I am going to take a shower in the dark, what about my hair (which by the way was on day 3 and had to be washed-there was no getting past that!). And again, the kids were still running crazy, I am trying to call the electric company, with no luck by the way! Did you know that it is very hard to try and complete a voice activated phone call with a million crazy things and noises going on in the background? AAAGGGHH!

So at this point, Jason and I are fighting, I am yelling at the kids, he is telling me to just go get in the shower, cause my hair is going to have to air dry, I am running in circles trying to figure out what to do next. Which by the way was actually pretty comical I am sure if you were on the outside looking in-maybe we should do a reality show? Maybe not. So, we ate our pancakes-which were really yummy! I decided to relinquish control, and grabbed some candles and took a shower. As I was getting ready, I did everything I could do without power-and voila! the power came on just in time to dry my hair! And yes, I vocally thanked and praised God out loud! I was really beginning to wonder what people would think if I wore a hat to church! (I know pretty vain, but what can I say-I am human!)

So, life went on, and we were able to get to church on time! Now the minute I walked in those school doors, I was completely and totally convicted! I did already apologize to my family and ask for forgiveness at breakfast, but let me say that this morning was truly an eye opener that I needed to stop, breathe, and realize what I am about to do or say at every moment. God was speaking to me in the first 2 worship songs, that I have not been being the model and example He is calling me to be. Ouch! Ok, so I promised Him this morning, that I would do better, I would try harder from now on.

And let me say, that the service at The Exchange this morning, was AMAZING it was so obvious that it was God led, and that the Holy Spirit was moving. My make-up that I put on in the car, was gone! Joel's sermon was about being a fan of Jesus, or a disciple- a fan is someone who sits on the sidelines, and cheers and follows along. A disciple is someone who gets involved, and lives their life for Jesus! By the way, in case you didn't know-Jesus doesn't need any fans. If you get the chance, check out the pod cast on the website when they get it put up!

Now, today was baptism day and they had 17 people come up for baptism! A few were friends of ours from our Life House (small group), which is just awesome when you know the person, and their background story. I was in tears practically the whole service! There was a 74 year old man that went up to get baptized, and when he stood in front of everyone he said "I have been waiting my whole life for Jesus Christ" WOW! People were cheering, I think the entire church was on the feet for that! I am tearing up again! By the way, nothing is impossible with God! Please be in prayer for this man, I cannot think of his name at the moment, but I found out tonight, that his wife died a few years back, and his son committed suicide this past year. I cannot imagine losing anyone, especially without God by my side, but all I can think is He is beside him now! Praise Jesus!

Ok, so back on the being an example thing...tonight at Life House we went more in depth on being disciples, and being what else...examples in our daily life! So, things are going good, we pick up the boys, head home, and the minute we open the door-I am hit by this smell. Hmmmmmm? What is that? It smells like rotten food? Or maybe like the dog pooped or something? It was not or something...it was definitely the dog-ohhhhh that dog! Now, he is inside because his collar that goes with our underground electric fence (that we have to have or he digs out and into the neighbors yard) is broke. I personally think that he somehow disabled it! But, we have to buy a new one-UUGGHHH! Anyway, I see the poop, and that is it! I lose it! Stressed out, tired, etc. Needless to say I was not being a good example, AGAIN! So, once again, I apologize to my husband and to God (the kids were safe this time). And again, I am telling God that I will try harder next time! So, as I get ready for bed, I am arming myself with His words to prepare myself for tomorrow!

And, I desperately want to be a disciple! I want to live my life for Jesus! And I want my life and my fruits to show it!


"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13

Pretty much, all of Chapter 4 in Philippians is going to be my theme for the week! Pray for me as I work on this!

*Side note* Please also be in prayer for my friend Kim, who is having some tests and trials of her own. Please pray that God's will be done, and that He be with her through those. I love you my friend!
*PS* "My friend Kim rocks!" LOL

If you saw me out and about, what would you think of me?

There's just so much on my chest right now, that I don't know where to start. I have a couple of funny stories about the boys and things they say, but I will post those later. Right now something that has really been on my heart is modeling. No, not the Cindy Crawford kind of modeling, but modeling as in living by example.

The other day, I felt led that one thing I wanted to focus on in my next Wed group (I really think it needs a name by the way), was to talk about how to model being a good Christian. I always think of modeling, as how we are an example to our children, but I started thinking what kind of an example for our glorious Savior am I being to the outside world we live in? I know that people would know that I am a Christian, and that I love Jesus, but would they know how to follow the Lord by my examples?

One thing I have been really convicted of, is the way I teasingly talk about disciplining our children. I sometimes jokingly use the word beat (which this is definitely not our form of discipline). Yes I spank, yes there are other consequences, but I have realized that I use this word around people that don't really know me, and don't know that I am totally kidding. So I felt like God was telling me that for those people around me that know I am a Christian, and know I try to do everything I do for the Lord, that they might hear me say that, and think that it was ok to "beat" their child. So please let me say again, for those that do not know me very well, this is not ok, it is not ok to physically abuse a child, it is not ok to spank out of anger, and it is not ok to use the word beat when speaking about our children! If you have been around me, and have heard me use this term please accept my apologies, and help me in the future by keeping me accountable if you hear me say this again!

Something else God has put on my heart in the modeling category, is how I act and react every where. Some of these that stand out are in my front yard, in my back yard, driving in my car, on the phone with sales people or bill collectors (this one is a hard one). I am making a commitment today, that I am going to try to model for my children, and for myself, trying to be Christ-like. Am I going to make mistakes? Umm....Yeah! Am I going to continue to be an example for others who want to love and know Jesus as I want to love and know Jesus? Umm...Absolutely! So, if you see me and I am not being a good model, please let me know! (in a loving Christ-like way ofcourse!)

How am I supposed to model for my children? One thing that stands out right now, is the way I treat my husband. I want for my sons to grow up to meet a woman that has a true heart and desire for The Lord. (I am praying for her already) But, if they are not seeing me be the wife that God has called me to be, then how would they know what to look for in a future girlfriend? Because I know right now, that if either of my boys came home with a girl that had the attitude that I sometimes give Jason (sorry honey), I would not be happy about that at all! I want to model for them the loving, respectful, submissive, woman that Christ asks me to be. Is this a daily struggle? Um...Yes! Am I willing to accept the challenge! Absolutely!

My challenge to my blogger friends, is this...what part of modeling for the outside world do you feel convicted about? There are so many others for me, but I really want to start with these first, since mother and wife seem to kinda be the meat and potatoes of it all! I guess that brings me around to the title of this post, and my new daily reminder saying for myself...If you saw me out and about, what would you think of me? Would you think I was some spastic stressed out mom running crazy, or would you think I was a woman full of joy and love for The Lord? I know which one I would say if I saw me lately, but I really want to try to be the other one!

Anyway, I am serious about holding me accountable! I don't care if you barely know me, or if you are a dear friend for years-please let me know if I slip up! I promise not to choke you for too long! :)

Carson's Debut

Tonight was Carson's fall program at his pre-school. This was his first time to be on stage, and I am not quite sure he liked it.







Here he is back to his "normal" self

His brother was so proud of him

This is his cute foot print turkey, which I don't know if you can read it, but it tells 2 things he is thankful for...Jason and Dad (Jason is his dad!) So not only am I left out completely, but Jason gets double thanks! What a turkey!

Here he is with one of his sweet teachers (god bless them!)

Camping Again?

Yes, you read correctly, we are officially crazy! We went camping this weekend with our Life House group from The Exchange. We had an absolutely wonderful time with about 6 other families. Talk about a lot of kids! But they sure did have fun!

Of course, leave it to my family to take fishing to the extreme. I am pretty sure, that had I left them there, they would still be fishing as we speak! The boys are truly loving nature, which I am beginning to realize is probably the end of my girlyness. I am such a girly-girl, but it seems as though God truly had another plan for me with these silly boys of mine. If he could, I am pretty sure that Jason would gladly pack us up for anywhere with land and God's gorgeous scenery!

But, girly-girl and all, I have had a blast the last 2 weekends! I froze my toes off Sat night, but I guess that just means I need Jason's sleeping bag! I even mentioned to my husband that we could camp more often for family vacations and stuff. That sure would save a lot of money! And we could definitely travel to more places in the U.S. than we could afford to if we had to get hotel rooms! And, what a wonderful opportunity for my boys to see God's natural canvas first hand! I think I am trying to convince myself here!

Anyway, here are some pics from this weekend...Not pictured...the cold we brought home :(








Dalton and his new best friend Austin

Me and my friend Ryndi

Our Awesome Life House Leaders: Ben and Carolyn

8 Things About Me

Thanks Steph for tagging me!

8 TV Shows I love to watch:
1. NCIS
2. 90210
3. Knight Rider
4. Burn Notice
5. Physc
6. House
7. The Closer
8. Law & Order

8 Favorite Restaurants:
1. Babe's Chicken House
2. Uncle Julio's
3. La Hacienda Ranch
4. The Cheesecake Factory
5. Olive Garden
6. TGI Friday's
7. Chili's
8. PF Chang's

8 Things That Happened Today :
1. Dalton woke up at 3am with 100 degree fever.
2. I woke up with severe sinus issues.
3. Carson woke up with a slight fever.
4. Jason let me sleep for a couple of hours.
5. Jason is staining our table.
6. Me and the boys are being lazy watching movies.
7. Trying to also finish laundry from this weekend's camping trip.
8. Updating my blog!

8 Things I Look Forward To:
1. Getting well!
2. Helping Dalton disguise his turkey for school.
3. Carson's Fall Program on Tues night
4. Thanksgiving
5. Sewing with my Mom
6. Carson's 3rd Birthday
7. Christmas
8. Making crafts with Steph on Monday!

8 Things on My Wishlist:
1. A clean house
2. Making family time
3. Wood floors for Christmas
4. Healthy Family
5. Big bonus for Jason!
6. Smooth travel to Iowa (Thanksgiving)
7. All my friends that have started new businesses, to be prosperous!
8. My friend Kim's house to be smooth and quick!

8 People I am Tagging:
1. Ryndi
2. Tabitha
3. Kristy M.
4. Stacey B
5. Kim
6. Kristin
7. Jason
8. Andrea

Hallelujah!

I am not sure why, but I feel prompted to share my latest story...

Those that know me, know the first part of my story- For those that don't, here goes...
For the past 3 years I have been suffering from serious anxiety disorder, brought on after the birth of our second child. After 2 years of trying several different medications, and a short time of no medication (during which I had a mini breakdown), I have been doing really well on one medication for over a year now. I am choosing not to name the medication, because I do not want someone to read this and think that this is right for them, because believe me-I soooo wish that the meds that worked for my friends right away, had worked for me right away!

Anyway, during the past several years, God has really been working on me-1st through a Bible study called Breaking Free by Beth Moore. During this study, He worked on my anger and rage fits that I would have. He let me know that this was bondage from Satan, and that by God's truth He would set me free! Good news! This is not a problem I deal with daily anymore! Now, that is not to say that I don't lose my temper from time to time, but I am now armed with God's truth to battle Satan when he tries to tell me lies!

The next thing God has been working through in my life, is my fear of abandonment. Now some of you know my story in this, my real dad has been in and out of my life all my life. Tons of lies, disappointment, etc. That is a whole 'nother post in itself! But, because of this and other things, I live in fear daily that all things will be taken away from me. Something that not everyone knows about this part of my life, is that daily and I do mean daily I would wake up and think "Is this the day? Is today the day that my husband is gonna leave me? Is this the day that my kids are going to die or be taken away? Is this the day that all my friends are going to turn on me and stop taking my calls? Is this the day? This was a deep rooted fear that no matter how much Jason told me he loved me, I truly believed that he would not stick around. I truly believed that I did not deserve to be happy. I truly believed that God was perfectly able to take care of everyone else, but not me. Not because He wasn't able, but because I didn't deserve it. This was a huge lie from Satan and the pit of hell that he lives in!

Let me say that again, All of these things I believed were LIES huge Lies that are a bunch of bunk! Our God doesn't want us to live in fear, Our God doesn't want us to be alone! Our God is Almighty, All Powerful, All Loving, and many other all things!

This summer I led a book study in my home called In My Father's House: Women Relating to God as Father. This short 6 week study did wonders for me. It helped me to remember to bring it all to God. My joy, my sadness, my worries, my fears, my anger, my everything. For that is what He is, my everything! During the 5th week of this study, I was to write a letter, a letter to my father. (Panic set in) In this letter, I was to include general and specific themes and instances that I held on to. Then I was to write what these experiences had on my life...example "I am constantly afraid of abandonment-since you left me." Next step, forgive your father. Write a letter forgiving him for all of these things. (Shear panic now) During this, I was to recognize that he needs Fathering too and to release him from the responsibility of being a perfect father to me. Only God is The Perfect Father. Close and sign the letter. (Pure Panic at this point thinking-Oh no, am I supposed to mail this?) Then I was to read the letter out loud or to a trusted friend (Thank You Jennifer!) and ask her to pray for me as I live out my forgiveness, and to pray for my healing. Final step: Cancel the debt: Write CANCELED in large letters across the paper. Then burn the letter or rip it into small pieces and throw it away. WOW!

Now, over the past few months, I have totally realized that this debt was canceled, just as God canceled my debt through the death of his son Jesus Christ. The next step of this assignment was to remember that the debt has been canceled. Because from time to time the lie would sneak in that this wasn't true, but I had to make a conscious effort to remind myself that God forgives all, and His truth told me that it was canceled!

Something that I just realized for the first time the other day, months later is that I no longer wake up in fear-I no longer wake up and think is this the day. Hallelujah! There is freedom in Christ! I no longer have visions (or daydreams) throughout the day that all my family just died in a car wreck, etc. Now does this mean that it won't happen. No, it could. Anything could happen, but I am choosing not to worry about what I cannot control. God is in control. Only He knows the future. Perfect example, I chose the other day, not to worry about who was going to win the election. No matter what, God is in control. No matter what, God will protect his children. No matter what, I will one day be dancing gloriously with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! Again, Hallelujah!

Now, to finish this post, I want to let you know that my anxiety is also getting way better. Yes, I am still on meds, but before even with medication, I had serious struggles. I am no longer thinking all day that I can't do anything right, that there is no way I will ever be a good mom, that I just can't do it, that I have to do everything! I am realizing to take things day by day, and that what matters most is my family, and what I am pouring into them. Not how many things I attend, or how many good things I do. Do I still get a little anxious, a little stressed, sometimes lose my temper? Yes! Especially one week a month! :) But, no one is perfect, and God forgives, and God loves, and God picks us up when we are down, and God is our strength when we are weak. I love our God!

Dirt Bikes in Heaven

Ok, so as I sit here spending time with my family, I am working on this music player thing, which by the way is super cool! While doing this my boys (Jason included) are watching dirt bike something or other on TV (I think it is extreme motorcross). Now let me tell you for those of you that don't know my husband, he is a speed junkie. And I am not talking drugs! He lives to ride his motorcycle (at speeds unknown to the rest of us). My boys are getting this same urge, to ride 4 wheelers and dirt bikes, and anything else that they can get crazy and wild on.

Anyway, while they are watching this TV show, the guys on these dirtbikes on doing crazy and I mean CRAZY jumps and things over huge dunes, hills, cliffs, mountains, whatever. Dalton and Jason have decided that he is going to do this when he gets bigger, and ofcourse, Carson pipes in "me too!" And than they say "look Mom, look-isn't that cool"? I am still trying to catch my breath! Needless to say, I am scared to death of what they are really going to do when they get older, but as I sit here, all I know is that as long as they do it for The Lord, that I will support them. All I want for them, is to bring God glory through the way they live their life.

I know that they belong to God first, before they really belong to me. I know that He is in control. I know that whatever He has planned for them, is to glorify His kingdom. I know that where ever that journey takes them, I will be praying for them. I know that one day we will all ride dirt bikes together in heaven (cause I don't do 2 wheels on Earth). I know that I am a daughter of Christ, and that He loves me more than I could ever love my own children. I know that God gave His son to die for me and my sins. I know that no matter what, He will never leave me nor forsake me. Never...ever...never...ever...never...ever.. WOW! That is a really long time! You bet it is! Eternity Baby!

From the Mouths of Babes...

You have to read my husband's blog from today...absolutely hilarious! And I swear, all true-I was sitting right there and witnessed the entire conversation!
http://www.fearless954.blogspot.com/

Fish Tales

So last night I realized that it is in the nature of men to tell "fish stories". Dalton was talking about fishing and how much fun he had, and he showed me with his hands how big his fish was. First he said "it was this big" and showed with his hands the size it probably was. 2 seconds later his hands got twice as big, and he says "I mean it was this big". Not 2 seconds after that, his hands got way further apart and he says "actually it was this big!". "Wow" I said. And then he proceeded to show me how big the fish that Austin and his Daddy caught was, and if you can picture this, he stretched his arms way out almost backwards of his body, and then did the same thing lengthwise. Now granted, the guys told us that the fish was huge, but wow if you listen to Dalton, Lake Whitney must have some fish on steroids!

Speaking of fishing, this week the verse in Mark chapter 1 vs 16-18 has really been speaking to me. Where Jesus tells them "Come, follow me and I will make you fishers of men." and then it says that they left their nets at once, and went with him.

After much meditating on this verse, I have realized that these men literally dropped everything. They were commercial fisherman, and they left all their nets and equipment (the things that made them money) to follow Jesus. After this, I am asking myself "Would I drop everything if God called me to?" Now I know that I would pray about it, and try to do something, but would I immediately obey?

And then I thought "What would He ask of me?" "Would I be asked to sell everything and move to Southeast Asia?" And my answer to myself was "Here I am Lord send me". This verse has been so prominent in my life for the past several weeks, and I want to do everything I can to drop everything and obey.

If you are reading this, and are asking yourself "Are they moving somewhere?" My answer is I don't think so at this moment-but what I am realizing, is that while it is not easy to do what God ask us sometimes, He is always with us and He will never leave us. So even if I was asked to go to some itty bitty one horse town, (which those of you that know me, know that I hate small towns) my answer to God would joyfully be "Yes". No matter what it took.

Now while I am writing this, I am like "Wow, that is scary!" But what is not scary to me, is that I will one day spend eternity with our Lord and Savior in the streets of gold and glory in heaven. And that means more to me than any material possession that I have now. Oh, and I will have a beautiful voice when I am there! :) What could be better?

A Camping We Will Go

We went camping this weekend with some friends of ours and their kiddos. We went to Lake Whitney State Park, which was just beautiful! We had a great time, and even learned some new stuff like geo caching (Thanks Michael!) Which is basically treasuring hunting. The kids had a blast! Ofcourse, we did the traditional camping thing, like cook out over the fire, roast marshmallows, and make s'mores. Which by the way, I can make a mean fire!

Now a camping trip in my family wouldn't be complete without fishing! This was Carson's first time to fish, and he seemed to really enjoy it, and "A.R." caught a huge catfish according to the guys (if you could see there hands, they described the fish to be bigger than the 3 year old that caught it) WOW!

Now while the trip went extremely well, it would not be a family trip without what else...but a meltdown! And luckily this occured in the last 15 minutes before we got in the car to head home. And we weren't even in the car 10 minutes when both boys were completely passed out.